Archive for July, 2006|Monthly archive page
More Funny Jokes – Chess Champion
So…..I was having dinner with world chess champion Garry Kasporov and there was a checkered tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
More Funny Jokes – Management Training
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He says to the waiter, “Me want coffee. The waiter says, “Sure chief, coming right up.” He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one
gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of manure in the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, “Me want coffee. The waiter says, “Whoa, Tonto. We’re still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was all that about, anyway?”
“Me in training for upper management position. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the shit and disappear for rest of the day”.
More Funny Jokes – Advice For Daughters
15 PIECES OF ADVICE TO BE PASSED ON TO YOUR DAUGHTERS
1. Don’t imagine you can change a man — unless he’s in diapers.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.
3. If they can put a man on the moon — they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man’s mind wander — it’s too little to be out alone.
5. Go for younger men. You might as well — they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same — they just have different faces so that you can tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don’t make fools of men — most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest he is too old for it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn’t ask for directions.
13. If he asks what sort of books you’re interested in, tell him checkbooks.
14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes; it means that you laugh at his.
15. Sadly, all men are created equal.
More Funny Jokes – Funny Country Song Titles.
Am I Double Parked by the Curbstone of Your Heart?
At the Gas Station of Love, I Got the Self Service Pump
Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreens and I Cried All the Way to Sears
Four on the Floor and a Fifth Under the Seat
Get Off the Table, Mabel (The Two Dollars is for the Beer)
Get Your Biscuits In The Oven, And Your Buns In The Bed
How Can I Get Over You if You Won’t Get Out from Under Me?
How Come Your Dog Don’t Bite Nobody But Me?
I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
I Gave Her My Heart And A Diamond And She Clubbed Me With A Spade
I Gave Her the Ring, and She Gave Me the Finger
I Got the Hungries for Your Love, and I’m Waitin In Your Welfare Line
I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
I’d Rather Hear A Fat Girl Fart Than A Pretty Boy Sing
If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I’d Blow It All On You
If You Want Your Freedom PDQ, Divorce Me COD
I’ve Got the Cob, If You’ve Got the Corn
I Would Kiss You Through the Screendoor but It’d Strain Our Love
My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart
My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
Our Love Is Illegal, Cause Our Names Ain’t The Same
Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer
She Offered Her Honor, He Honored Her Offer, and All Through The Night It Was Honor and Offer
There Ain’t Enough Room in my Fruit Of The Looms to Hold All My Lovin’ For You
They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can’t Stop My Face From Breakin’ Out
Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
When the Lightning Struck the Coon Creek Party Line
When You Wrapped My Lunch in a Road Map, I Knew You Meant Good-Bye
You Changed Your Name From Brown to Jones, and Mine From Brown to Blue
You’re The Hangnail In My Life, And I Can’t Bite You Off
More Funny Jokes – You Really Hurt Me
My wife says she never holds grudges, but then will blindside the family with something that happened years ago.
Last week she said to her daughter, “You know, you really hurt me on your birthday.”
Our daughter, shocked, said, “Huh? Which birthday was that?”
My wife replied, “The original one. You have a really big head, you know.”
Welcome to More Funny Jokes.
My Wife’s Miniskirt
When short hemlines came back into fashion, my wife dug an old miniskirt out of the closet.
She tried it on, but couldn’t figure out what to do with her other leg.