Archive for July, 2008|Monthly archive page
It’s so dry in Texas that the Baptists are starting to baptize by sprinkling,
the Methodists are using wet-wipes,
the Presbyterians are giving out rain-checks,
and the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn back into water.
Now, THAT’S DRY!
Four Worms and a lesson
A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.. At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol – Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke – Dead
Third worm in chocolate syrup – Dead
Fourth worm in good clean soil – Alive.
So the Minister asked the congregation – What can you learn from this demonstration?
An old woman sitting in the back quickly raised her hand and said,
‘As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won’t have worms!’
That pretty much ended the service
Thelly, the Storylady, Cardiff by the Sea
For a virtual visit go to http://www.lifestorywriting.net/
Join the fun at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/life-story-writing/
came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower.
‘How much do you want for the mower?’ asked the preacher.
‘I just want enough money to go out and buy a bicycle,’ said the little boy.
After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked,
Will you take my bike in trade for it?’
The little boy asked if he could try it out first.
After riding it around a little while, said,
‘Mister,you’ve got yourself a deal.’
The preacher took the mower and began to crank it.
He pulled on the rope a few times with no response from the mower.
The preacher called the little boy over and said, ‘I can’t get this mower to start.’
The boy said, ‘That’s because you have to cuss at it to get it started.’
The preacher said, I can’t cuss.
It’s been so long since I became a Christian that I don’t even remember how to cuss.’
The little boy looked at him happily and said,
‘You just keep pulling on that rope.
It’ll come back to ya.
A redneck calls the White House and says to the receptionist, “Ah’d lak ta be the next Prezzident of this hear Uuuunated States.”
The receptionist, sarcastically asks, “What are you, an idiot?”
To which the redneck replies, “Why, is it required