Paper Boy – Funny Jokes

A paperboy said to a customer one day, “Mr. Smith, I wish I had twenty customers like you.”

“Gosh, that’s nice to hear,” said Smith, “but I’m kind of surprised considering I never tip all that well and always pay late.”

The paperboy said, “I know, but I’d still like twenty customers like you. The problem is I have one hundred and forty!”

PREPARING A TURKEY

Funny Jokes – PREPARING A TURKEY

Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey, or JD
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another two drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turn oven the on
Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky
Step 9: Turk the bastey
Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 16: Floor the turkey up off the pick
Step 17: Turk the carvey
Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a
glass of turkey
Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out

Jokes-Funny

Answering Machine Messages

Answering Machine Messages

Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t worry, I have plenty of money.

Answering Machine Messages

Bumper Sticker Jokes

Seen on a Bumper Sticker:

You’re driving a car. It isn’t a telephone booth, a beauty parlor or a restaurant.

Answering Machine

Funny Jokes Marriage Jokes

Funny Jokes

Marriage Jokes

- If my wife had married my brother-in-law, my sister and I would both be happy.

- Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habits, and then complain that he’s not the same man she married?

- Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the ‘Y’ becomes silent.

- A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn’t understand two things:  1 – Women, 2 – Fractions.