Archive for the ‘Preacher Jokes’ Category

More Funny Jokes – Religious Jokes – The New Pet

Funny Jokes – Religious Jokes – The New Pet

A family that happened to be very strong in their Baptist faith,
decided they wanted to get a pet. They had one requirement — the pet
had to be Baptist, also!

So one day they drove to the pet store where they proceeded to ask
the owner, “Do you have any Baptist dogs for sale, by any chance?”

Surprised by the question, the pet shop owner looked around his shop
and thought about it for a while and finally nodded, saying, “Wait… a… minute… yes, I think we just might have a dog that could fit your description.”

The owner walks over to a group of cages and brings out a small dog
to the family, and the father says, “We need to see if this is a real Baptist dog.” So the father says to the dog, “Go find a bible.”

Unbelievably, the dog runs out of the pet store, down the street,
and into a church… returning with… of all things… a bible in
its mouth! He runs up to the family and plops down the book at their
feet.

Genuinely impressed, the father continues, “Let’s see if this dog knows its books of the bible, tho… ‘Turn to the book of Psalms,'” he commands the dog.

The dog immediately opens the bible with its snout and paws through
the pages… stopping when it reaches Psalms.

Very pleased, the father buys the dog for his family and they bring
it home. The next day, the family has visitors. Proudly, the family
shows off their little Baptist dog and the things it could do.

Finally, the friends of the family ask, “Nice! But, can it do any
other tricks that normal dogs do?”

The Baptist father wondered and said, “Hmm, I don’t know. We’ve
never tried any other commands.” He then orders the dog, “Heel.”

Suddenly the dog leaps onto the father’s lap and places its paw on
the man’s head and starts to pray.

“Wait… a… minute!” exclaim the friends of the family.

“That dog isn’t Baptist!… It’s Pentecostal!”

Dear Diary

(Excerpted from Pauly’s secret journal)

Dear Diary,

Last Sunday, the sermon was the one about the ten bridesmaids. The five
good bridesmaids remembered to take plenty of oil for their lamps; five
bad bridesmaids did not.

The priest at our church is always very fiery and his sermons always
end on a high note.

Last Sunday the priest ended with…

“Where would you rather be? In the light with the five good bridesmaids
or in the dark with the five bad bridesmaids???”

I guess it was somewhat comforting to know I wasn’t the only one who
gave the wrong answer…

The lawn mower

The lawn mower

A preacher was making his rounds to his parishioners on a
bicycle, when he came upon a Delbert trying to sell a lawn
mower.
“How much do you want for the mower?” asked the preacher.
“I just want enough money to go out and buy my kid a bicycle,”
said Delbert.
After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, “Will
you take my bike in trade for it?”
Delbert said, “Mister, you’ve got yourself a deal.”
The preacher took the mower and tried to start it.  He pulled
and pulled on the rope until he was dripping with sweat but
the mower refuse to start.
The preacher called Delbert over and said, “I can’t get
this mower to start.”
Delbert said, “That’s because you have to cuss at it to
get it started.”
The preacher said, “I’m a man of the church and I can’t cuss.
It’s been so long since I’ve been saved that I don’t even
remember how to cuss.”
Delbert looked at him happily and said,
“Just keep pulling on that rope. It’ll come back to ya.”

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