Archive for the ‘Wedding Jokes’ Category
- If my wife had married my brother-in-law, my sister and I would both be happy.
- Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habits, and then complain that he’s not the same man she married?
- Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the ‘Y’ becomes silent.
- A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn’t understand two things: 1 – Women, 2 – Fractions.
- Husbands: Only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her way, and the other is to let her have it.
- Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
- Any married man should forget his mistakes – no use in two people remembering the same thing.
- I’ve made three notable mistakes in my life. Marrying and divorcing two women and proposing to a third.
- Men marry because they are tired. Women marry because they are curious. Both are disappointed.
- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
- A woman will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to marry her. A man cherishes the memory of the woman who didn’t.
- There are two times a man doesn’t understand a woman – before marriage and after marriage.
- Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
- If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
- One good turn gets most of the blankets.
- Marriage: A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change and she does.
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he
has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, “Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words
that were used to put the curse on you.
The old man says without hesitation, “I now pronounce you man and
25th Wedding Anniversary
At the banquet of Tom and Susan’s 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the
benefits of a marriage of such long duration.
“Tell us, Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?”
Tom responded, “Well, I’ve learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance,
meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness — and a great many other qualities you wouldn’t have needed if you’d stayed single.”
A Mother Always Knows
Tony excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and is going to get married. Tony says, “Just for fun, Mom, I’m going to bring over two other female friends in addition to my fiancée, and you have to try and guess which one I’m going to marry.”
The next day, Tony brings 3 beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.
He then says, “Okay, Mom. Guess which one I’m going to marry.”
She immediately replies, “The red-head in the middle.”
“That’s amazing! You’re right, how did you know?”
His mother folds her arms across her chest and says, “I don’t like her.”
Marital Advice – Take It!
A man goes to see the Rabbi. “Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.”
The Rabbi asked, “What’s wrong?”
“My wife is poisoning me.”
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, “Are you sure? Why would she do such a thing?”
The man then pleads, “I don’t know why, but I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning me. What should I do?”
The Rabbi thinks a bit, then says, “Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I’ll see what I can find out and I’ll let you know.”
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, “Well, I spoke with your wife. I called her and we talked on the phone for 3 hours.
You want my advice?”
“Yes, yes, of course.” said the man.
The Rabbi replied, “Take the poison.”
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, “Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.” The old man says without hesitation, “I now pronounce you man and wife.”
Tears on His 50th Wedding Anniversary
A man and woman were recently celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.
While cutting the cake, the wife was moved after seeing her husband’s eyes fill with tears.
The wife took his arm, and looked at him affectionately.
“I never knew you were so sentimental.” she whispered.
“No . . . No . . .” he said, choking back his tears, “That’s not it at all. Remember when your father found us in the barn and told me to either marry you or spend the next 50 years in jail?”
“Yes,” the wife replied. “I remember it like yesterday.”
“Well,” said the husband, “Today I would have be a free man.”