More Funny Jokes – Things my mother taught me

More Funny Jokes – Things my mother taught me

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning.”

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of
next week!”

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
“Because I said so, that’s why.”

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
‘If you fall out of  that swing and break your neck, you’re not going
to the store with me.”

6. My mother taught  me FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
“Keep crying, and! I’ll gi ve you something to cry about.”

8. My mother taught me  about the science of OSMOSIS.
“Shut  your mouth and eat your supper.”

9. My mother taught me  about CONTORTIONISM.
“Will you look at that  dirt on the back of your neck!”

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
‘You’ll sit there until all that spinach is  gone.”

11. My mother taught  me about WEATHER.
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

12. My mother taught me  about HYPOCRISY.
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”

13. My mother  taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
“I  brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”

14.  My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR  MODIFICATION.
“Stop acting like your father!”

15. My mother taught me  about ENVY.
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t
have wonderful parents like you do.”

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
“Just wait until we get home.”

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
“You are going to get it when you get home!”

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL  SCIENCE.
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, They are going to freeze that
way.”

19. My mother taught me ESP.
“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

21. My mother taught  me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
“You’re just like your father.”

23 My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”

25. My mother taught me JUSTICE.
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”

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