Redneck Rules For Calling “Shotgun”

Redneck Rules For Calling “Shotgun”

If there are to be two or more passengers when traveling by
automobile, one must call out “shotgun” in order to secure for
him/herself the right-front passenger seat. This seat is obviously
the most desirable.  It offers such advantages as:
* more leg room
* own personal vanity mirror
* ease of egress and ingress
* social prestige
* panoramic view
* air-bag safety feature
* better aim for throwing beer bottles at stop signs
* rapid exit in case of beer-retainment reversal

Historically, the shotgun position originated during the days of
the horse-drawn wagon. Since the driver had to handle the reins,
another person with a shotgun was needed next to him/her to fend
off attacks from bandits, outlaws, and galloping Amway salesmen.

The Rules

1. Even if the other passenger is your grandmother with a broken
    leg, if she does not call “shotgun” first, her butt is going
    into the back seat.

2. If two people call “shotgun” at the same time, a fistfight will
    determine the ultimate winner, unless the contestants are girls.
    In that case, the trip is put off while the men get to watch
    them fight.  A “pout-off” can be held instead.

3. If the trip is interrupted for over 4 minutes (for fuel or potty
    stops, etc.), the “shotgun” passenger loses all of his/her
    rights, and open season on the coveted position begins again.

4. A “shotgun” winner must expect and be willing to put up with a
    large portion of physical harassment from the backseat “shotgun”
    loser. Scratching, hair pulling, and attempts at strangulation
    are all fully legal and come with the territory.

5. Pre-“shotgun” calling is strictly prohibited and punishable by
    worse that what you get for pulling the tag off a mattress.

6. A “shotgun” call from a 265-pound linebacker automatically
    cancels out a “shotgun” call from anybody else.

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