Subject: Lutheran Air is now operating from Duluth Airport
WE ARE PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE LUTHERAN AIR IS NOW OPERATING FROM DULUTH AIRPORT
YA… SHURE, YA BETCHA! DIS IS DA LATEST AIR SERVICE TO SPROUT UP IN MINNYSOTA.
ALSO SERVING VISCONSIN, NORT AND SOUT DAKOTA.
If you are travelin soon, consider Lutran (Lutheran) Air, da no-frills airline.
You’re all in da same boat on Lutran Air, where flyin is a upliftin experience.
Dere is no first class on any Lutran Air flight.
Meals are potluck. Rows 1-6, bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad; 16-21, a main
dish, and 22-30, a dessert. Basses and tenors please sit in da rear of da
Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage. All fares are by free will
offering and da plane will not land ’til da budget is met.
Pay attention to your flight attendant, who will acquaint you wit da safety
system aboard dis Lutran Air 599.
Okay den, listen up. I’m only gonna say dis vonce. In da event of a sudden loss
of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and so vill Captain
Olson, because we fly right around two tousand feet, so loss of cabin pressure
would probably mean da Second Coming or someting of dat nature, and I wouldn’t
bodar with doze liddle masks on da rubber tubes.
You’re gonna have bigger tings to worry about den dat. Just stuff doze back up
in dair little holes. Probably da masks fell out because of turbulence which, to
be honest wit you, we’re going to have quite a bit of at two tousand feet, sort
a like driving across a plowed field, but after a while you get used to it.
In da event of a water landing, I’d say forget it. Start saying da Lord’s Prayer
and just hope you get to da part about forgive us our sins as we forgive doze
who sin against us, which some people say “trespass against us,” which isn’t
right, but what can you do?
Da use of cell phones on da plane is strictly forbidden, not because day may
confuse da plane’s navigation system, which is seat of da pants all da way. No,
it’s because cell phones are a pain in da wazoo, and if God meant you to use a
cell phone, He would have put your mout on da side of your head.
We start lunch right about noon and it’s buffet style with da coffee pot up
front. Den we’ll have da hymn sing; hymnals are in da seat pocket in front of
you. Don’t take yours wit you when you go or I am going to be real upset and I
am not kiddin!
Right now I’ll say Grace. “Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and let deze gifts to
us be blessed. Fadar, Son, and Holy Ghost, may we land in Dulut or pretty close.