Archive for the ‘Blonde Jokes’ Category

Alligator shoes – dumb blond joke

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a
pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant  to
pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming  very
frustrated with the “no haggle” attitude of one of the shopkeepers,  the
blonde shouted, “Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator  so I can
get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!”

The shopkeeper said, “By all means, be my guest. Maybe you’ll luck out
and catch yourself a big one!”

Determined, the blonde turned and headed  for the swamps, set on catching
herself an alligator. Later in the day,  the shopkeeper was driving home,
when he spotted the young woman  standing waist
deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a  huge 9-foot
alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed  the creature,
and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp  bank. Lying
nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The  shopkeeper watched in
amazement.

Just then the blonde flipped the  alligator on its back, and
frustrated, shouts out, “Damn it, this one  isn’t wearing any shoes either!”

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Donating

A man and a blonde woman were waiting at the hospital donation

center. “What are you doing here today?”, asked the man.

The blonde replied, “Oh, I’m here to donate some blood. They’re

going to give me $15 for it.”

“Hmm, that’s interesting. I’m here to donate sperm, myself. But

they pay me $75!”

The blonde looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some

more before going their separate ways. Several months later, the

same man and woman meet again in the donation center.

“Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?”

Responded the blonde (shaking her head with mouth closed)

“Unh unh.”

More funny jokes – Funny Jokes – Blonde gets bank loan

Funny Jokes – Blonde gets bank loan

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the
loan officer.

She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and
needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of
security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to
a new Mercedes Benz SL 500. The car is parked on the street
in front of the bank. She has the title, and everything
checks out.

The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan.
The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh
at the blonde for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral
against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into
the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns. She repays the $5,000
and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, “Miss, we are very happy to have had
your business, and this transaction has worked out very
nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we
checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”

The blonde replies, “Where else in New York City can I park
my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be
there when I return?”

Finally, a smart blonde joke!

Funny Jokes – K-9 To The Rescue

The Baltimore Police Department, famous for it’s superior K-9 unit,
was some what taken back by a recent incident. Returning home from
work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and
burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9
unit patrolling nearby was the first on the scene.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the
blonde ran out on the porch, clapped a hand to her head and moaned, “I
come home from work to find all my possessions stolen, I call the
police for help, and what do they do? They send a BLIND policeman!”

Twins

My wife, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy! I didn’t know why she was jumping so joyfully, but I thought, what the heck and I starting jumping up and down along with her.When she said, “Honey, I have some really great news for you!”

I said “Great. Tell me what you’re so happy about.”

She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, and then she told me. “I am pregnant.”

I was ecstatic! We had been trying for quite a while, so I grabbed her and kissed her on the lips and told her, “That’s great! I couldn’t be happier!”

Then, she said “Oh, honey, There’s more.” Puzzled I asked, “What do you mean ‘more’?” She said, “Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!”

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew.

She said, …………………………………
(You’re going to love this!)
“Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the twin-pack home pregnancy test kit and BOTH tests came out positive!”

Double Trouble – A Blonde Microsoft User

Double Trouble – A Blonde Microsoft User

A blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman, “I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains.”

The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains. He shows her several patterns, but the blonde seems to have a hard time choosing.

Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs.

The blonde promptly replies, “Seventeen inches.”

“Seventeen inches?” asked the salesman. “That sounds very small — what room are they for?”

The blonde tells him that they aren’t for a room, but they are for her computer monitor.

The surprised salesman replies, “But miss, computers do not need curtains!”

The blond says, “Hellllooooooooo? — I’ve got Windoooooows?”