Archive for the ‘Bubba Jokes’ Category

Bubba and his boss

Okay I had to send this one because I couldn’t for the life of me figure out
where it was going….and then when it got there well…..

Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to
know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them. ”

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Bubba how about Tom
Cruise? ”

“Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it. ” So Bubba and his
boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door, and sure enough, Tom
Cruise, shouts, “Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and
join me for lunch! ”

Although impressed, Bubba’s boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise’s
house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba’s knowing Cruise was just lucky.

“No, no, just name anyone else, ” Bubba says.

“President Bush, ” his boss quickly retorts.

“Yep, ” Bubba says, “I know him, let’s fly out to Washington. ” And off they go.
At the White House, Bush spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss
over, saying, “Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but
you and your friend come on in and let’s have a cup of coffee first and catch
up. ”

Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.

After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who
again implores him to name anyone else.

“The Pope, ” his boss replies. “Sure! ” says Bubba. “I’ve known the Pope a long
time. ” So off they fly to Rome.

Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba
says, “This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these
people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I’ll
come out on the balcony with the Pope. ” And he disappears into the crowd headed
toward St. Peter’s.

Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But
by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is
surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss’s side, Bubba asks him,
“What happened? ”

His boss looks up and says, “I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on
the balcony and the Japanese tourist next to me asked, “Who’s that on the
balcony with Bubba? ”

Laughter makes you live longer !

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eleventh commandment

eleventh commandment

During a recent staff meeting in Heaven, God, Moses, and Saint Peter concluded that the behavior of Ex-President Clinton has brought about the need for an eleventh commandment.

They worked long and hard in a brain-storming session to try to settle on the wording of the new commandment,because they realized that it should have the same style, majesty and dignity as the original ten.
They began their brain-storming and came up with the 11th.

After many revisions, they finally agreed that the eleventh commandment should be:

“Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff.”

Bubba Claus

Bubba Claus

Funny Jokes

A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated. Please read the following carefully.

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately,I will no longer be able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois,
Wisconsin and Michigan. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies.

However, I’m certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the SouthPole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however,  there are a few differences between us…

1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and bumper sticker that reads: “These toys insured by Smith and Wesson.”

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn’t smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy.
3. Bubba Claus’ sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared,flyin’ coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen’s head now overlooks Bubba’s fireplace.

4. You won’t hear “On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen …” when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you’ll hear, “On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and Labonte On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty.”

5. “Ho, ho, ho!” has been replaced by “Yee Haw!” And you also are likely to hear Bubba’s elves respond, “I her’d dat!”

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus’ sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words “Back Off!” The last I heard it also had other decorations on the sleigh  back as well. One is Ford or Chevy logo with lights that race through the letters and the other is a caricature of me (Santa Claus) going wee on the Tooth Fairy.

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as “Miracle on 34th Street” and “It’s a Wonderful Life” will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you’ll see “Boss Hogg Saves Christmas” and “Smokey and the Bandit IV” featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.

8. Bubba Claus doesn’t wear a belt. If I were you, I’d make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

9. And finally, lovely Christmas songs have been sung about me like “Rudolph The Red-nosed Reindeer” and Bing Crosby’s “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.” This year songs about Bubba Claus will be played on all the AM radio stations in the South. Those song titles will be:Mark Chesnutt’s “Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox,”
Cledus T. Judd’s “All I Want for Christmas Is My Woman and a Six Pack,” and Hank Williams Jr.’s “If You Don’t Like Bubba Claus, You Can Shove It.”

Sincerely Yours,
Santa Claus North American Fairies and Elves Local 209.