Archive for the ‘Death’ Category

More funny jokes – Funny Jokes – Jokes – Arizona Humor – Morris had died.

Funny Jokes and Arizona Humor – Morris had died.

Morris had died.

His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out
Morris’ Last Will and Testament.

“To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 150 acres
of land, and 2 million dollars.

To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the new
Jaguar and $250,000..

To my daughter Shirley, I leave my yacht and $250,000.

And to my brother-in-law Aaron, who always insisted
that health is better than wealth, I leave my treadmill.”

More Funny Jokes – Funny Jokes – DYING MAN

Funny Jokes – DYING MAN

A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City. He
lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around.
“A priest. Somebody get me a priest!” the man gasps. A policeman
checks the crowd—-no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind.
“A PRIEST, PLEASE!” the dying man says again.

Then out of the crowd steps a little old Jewish man of at least eighty years of
age.

“Mr. Policeman,” says the man, “I’m not a priest. I’m not even a Catholic. But
for fifty years now I’m living behind St. Elizabeth’s Catholic Church on First
Avenue, and every night I’m listening to the Catholic litany. Maybe I can be of
some comfort to this man.”

The policeman agreed and brought the octogenarian over to where the dying man
lay. He kneels down, leans over the injured and says in a solemn voice:

“B-4. I-19. N-38. G-54. O-72. . .”

Florida Poker Game

Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the condo clubhouse,
when Ben Meierwitz lost $500 on a single hand! He clutched his
chest and dropped dead at the table. Showing respect for their
fallen comrade, the other three continued playing standing up.

Art Finkelstein looked around and asked, “So, who’s gonna’ tell his
wife?”

They drew straws and Sam Goldberg picked the short one. The others
told him to be discreet, be gentle, and don’t make a bad situation
any worse.

“Discreet? Sam replied. “I’m the most discreet person you’ll ever
meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me!”

So Sam went over to Ben’s apartment, and knocked on the door. Ben’s
wife answered and asked what he wanted.

Sam replied: “Your husband just lost $500 playing poker, and he’s
afraid to come home.”

“Tell him to drop dead!” his wife said.

“I’ll go tell him,” said Sam.

Funny Jokes

On the Way to the Cemetery

Two elderly gents met up on the way to the funeral of one of their
longtime buddies. The deceased was thought to have accumulated much
wealth.

On the way to the cemetery, one old fellow asked the other, “How much
did he leave?”

The other old fellow replied, “All of it.”

Funny Quotes

Redneck Joke

Two Reasons Why It’s So Hard To Solve a Redneck Murder:

1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.

Poor Casey

Poor Casey

Casey came home from the doctor looking very worried.
His wife said, “What’s the problem?”

He said, “The doctor told me I have to take a pill every day
for the rest of my life.”

She said, “So what? Lots of people have to take a pill every day
their whole lives.”

He said, “I know, but he only gave me four pills!”

Ethics Charges

Ethics Charges
Researchers at an Austrian University may face

ethics charges for using human corpses as

crash-test dummies. See, that’s what happens
when you don’t have a good social security system.

People have to keep working after their dead.

You’re dead and you still can’t afford
to retire.

More Funny Jokes – Last in Line

More Funny Jokes – Last in Line

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies.

As they stand at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Paradise and meet their maker, God decides to grant each person one wish because of the grief they have experienced.
They’re all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. “I want to be gorgeous,” and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done. The second one in line hears this and says “I want to be gorgeous too.” Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
This goes on for a while with each one asking to be gorgeous, but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in the line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his head off.
Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his wish will be.
The guy eventually calms down and says:
“Make ’em all ugly again.”
NEXT TIME YOU’RE LAST IN LINE, BE HAPPY.