Archive for the ‘Heaven’ Category

Stud

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter said, “I’d like to get you guys in now, but our computer’s
down. You’ll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can’t go back as
humans. What’ll it be?”
The first priest says, “I’ve always wanted to be an eagle, soaring
above the Rocky mountains.” “So be it,” says St. Peter, and off flies the first
priest.
The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, “Will any of
this week ‘count’, St. Peter?” “No, I told you the computer’s down.
There’s no way we can keep track of what you’re doing. The week’s a
freebie.” “In that case,” says the second priest, “I’ve always wanted to be a
stud.” “So be it,” says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.
A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to
recall the two priests. “Will you have any trouble locating them?”
He asks.
“The first one should be easy,” says St. Peter. “He’s somewhere over
the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be
more difficult.”
“Why?” asketh the Lord. St. Peter answered, “He’s on a snow tire,
somewhere in North Dakota.”

Irish Jokes

Irish Humor

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking place.  

Looking up to heaven he said, “Lord take pity on me.   If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!”

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, “Never mind, I found one.”

Joke of the Day

More Funny Jokes – Last in Line

More Funny Jokes – Last in Line

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies.

As they stand at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Paradise and meet their maker, God decides to grant each person one wish because of the grief they have experienced.
They’re all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. “I want to be gorgeous,” and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done. The second one in line hears this and says “I want to be gorgeous too.” Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
This goes on for a while with each one asking to be gorgeous, but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in the line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his head off.
Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his wish will be.
The guy eventually calms down and says:
“Make ’em all ugly again.”
NEXT TIME YOU’RE LAST IN LINE, BE HAPPY.