Archive for the ‘Women’ Tag

Funny Jokes Marriage Jokes

Funny Jokes

Marriage Jokes

– If my wife had married my brother-in-law, my sister and I would both be happy.

– Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habits, and then complain that he’s not the same man she married?

– Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the ‘Y’ becomes silent.

– A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn’t understand two things:  1 – Women, 2 – Fractions.

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Marriage Humor

Funny Jokes

– Husbands: Only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her way, and the other is to let her have it.

– Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

– Any married man should forget his mistakes – no use in two people remembering the same thing.

– I’ve made three notable mistakes in my life. Marrying and divorcing two women and proposing to a third.

BUMPER STICKER PHILOSOPHY – MARRIAGE

Funny Jokes

– Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

– If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

– One good turn gets most of the blankets.

– Marriage: A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change and she does.

Single Women Married Women

Why are married women heavier than single women?

Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed.

Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.

Funny Jokes

Irresistible to Women

Irresistible to Women

Funny Jokes

Three wishes

A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. Picking it up, he pulls out the cork. Sure enough, out pops a huge blue genie.

The genie says, “Thank you for freeing me from my prison. In return, I will grant you three wishes.”

The man says, “Perfect. I always dreamed of this, and I know exactly what I want. First, I want ten million dollars in a Swiss bank account.” Suddenly, there is a flash of light, and a detailed list with Swiss Bank account numbers appears in his hand.

He continues. “Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here.”

There is another flash of light, and a bright red Ferrari appears right next to him.

He goes on. “Finally, I want to be irresistible to women.”

A final blaze of light, and he turns into a box of chocolates.

Irresistible to Women

Contribute

Two well-dressed, matronly women entered the business

office and approached an executive.

“Sir,” said one, “we are soliciting funds for the

welfare and rehabilitation of wayward women. Would you

care to donate?”

“Sorry,” replied the executive, “but I contribute

directly.” (Playboy)