Archive for December, 2006|Monthly archive page

HOW TO GET WEALTHY

HOW TO GET WEALTHY

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.

The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.

Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”

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Skywriting

Skywriting

Skywriters were advertising the opening of a new store. Five
planes, flying in perfect formation, spelled out the name, then
flew out of sight. Right behind them was another plane, flying
alone.

“What’s that plane doing?” a spectator asked.

Tongue firmly in cheek, I answered, “Spell check.”

OVERSLEEPING

OVERSLEEPING

One day a man took the train from Paris to Frankfurt. When he got on he said to the ticket man, “Sir, I really need you to do me a favor. I have to get off this train in Mannheim, but I’m very tired and it is for sure that I’ll fall asleep. What I’d like you to do is wake me up in Mannheim. I have to close a business deal there and it is very important for my career. I’ll give you a 100 francs to be sure I get off the train there. But I warn you, sometimes when people wake me up I can get really violent. No matters what I do or say, you have to get me off this train in Mannheim. Is that clear?”

The ticket man agreed and took the 100 francs. Later as the man had said, he’d fallen asleep. When he woke up, he realized that he was now in Frankfurt. He was so mad at the ticket man that he ran over to him and started yelling, “Are you STUPID or something??? I paid you 100 francs so you’d be sure to wake me up in Mannheim and you didn’t! You’ve ruined my career!! I want my money back you stupid idiot!!!”

While the man was yelling at the ticket guy, two other guys that were also on the train, stood there watching. One turns to the other and says to him, “Look at this guy. He really is angry!”

The second man replied, “Yeah, almost as mad as the guy they made get off the train in Mannheim.”

Search Famous Quotes

A Minute

A Minute

Q. How long is a minute?

A. It depends on which side of the bathroom door that you’re on!

Affirmations for Pessimists

Affirmations for Pessimists

Don’t try beating ’em or joining ’em. Either hang out by yourself or quit.

Seek, and you shall be disappointed.

Knock, and the door shall be slammed in your face.

If you don’t have anything nice to say, welcome to the club.

Did you ever sit back and evaluate your life and think, “Wow, things are
going just as I always wanted them to?” I didn’t think so – me either.

SPEAKING ENGLISH

SPEAKING ENGLISH

The new high school teacher had been born and raised in the North but was now teaching in

Georgia. All of her students spoke with a very pronounced Southern drawl… Because she

was having difficulty understanding her students’ accents, she said to one girl, “I do

wish you Southerners would speak English!”

“We do,” Sarah replied.

“Well, it’s not the King’s English,” the teacher protested.

“Sure it is,” Sarah said. “Elvis was a Southerner.”