Funny Jokes – THE END OF THE WORLD

When the end of the world arrives how will the media report it?

USA Today: WE’RE DEAD

The Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS

National Enquirer: O.J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAIN

Playboy: GIRLS OF THE APOCALYPSE

Microsoft Systems Journal: APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE

Victoria’s Secret Catalog: OUR FINAL SALE

Sports Illustrated: GAME OVER

Wired: THE LAST NEW THING

Rolling Stone: THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR

Readers Digest: BYE

Discover Magazine: HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW
IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS?

TV Guide: DEATH AND DAMNATION: NIELSON RATINGS SOAR!

Lady’s Home Journal: LOSE 10 LBS. BY JUDGMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW
“ARMAGEDDON” DIET!

America Online: SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 15
MINUTES.

Inc. magazine: TEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE

Microsoft’s Web Site: IF YOU DIDN’T EXPERIENCE THE RAPTURE, DOWNLOAD
SOFTWARE PATCH RAPT777.EXE.

Sun: ARMAGEDDON TOLERANT SOFTWARE NOW AVAILABLE!

Travel special

A travel agent offered me a 21 day special.
 

He told me I would fly from New York to London.
 

Then from Tokyo back to New York.
 

I asked him, “How am I supposed to get from London to Tokyo?”
He told me, “That is why we give you 21 days.”

Grandma

I didn’t know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to
test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell
me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued.
At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, “Grandma, I think you should
try to figure out some of these yourself!”

Psalm

A mom was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school. He didn’t
want his mother to walk with him. She wanted to give him the feeling that he had
some independence but yet know that he was safe.
So she had an idea of how to handle it. She asked a neighbor, Mrs. Goodnest, if
she would please follow him to school in the mornings, staying at a distance, so
he wouldn’t notice her.
Mrs. Goodnest said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would
be a good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed.
The next school day, Mrs. Goodnest and her little girl, Marcy, set out following
behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor boy he knew. She did
this for the whole week.
As the boys walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy’s little friend
noticed the same woman was following them as she seemed to do every day, all
week. Finally he said to Timmy, “Have you noticed that woman following us to
school all week? Do you know her?”
Timmy nonchalantly replied, “Yeah, I know who she is.”
The friend asked, “Well, who is she?”
“That’s just Shirley Goodnest,” Timmy replied, “and her daughter, Marcy.”
“Shirley Goodnest? Who the heck is she and why is she following us?”
“Well,” Timmy explained, “every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my
prayers, ‘cuz she worries about me so much. And in the Psalm, it says, ‘Shirley
Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life,’ so I guess I’ll
just have to get used to it!”